It's been awhile since I last blogged (over 3 months) and I feel like I should post something. There have been a lot of things going on with me personally in the past month or two but I don't have a conclusion to any of those thoughts (and if I do, none of those conclusions I want to listen to). After conversations today with my co-worker about various good topics to talk about, I will see where this one takes us (maybe a combo of both my life stuff and friend-talk)
Between the shorter amounts of sunlight during the day and also that it is the holiday season, my seasonal winter/holiday funk (possibly to beconsidered S.A.D.-seasonal afficliction depression) has made things a little difficult to handle. The most obvious one for me to point out is that here it is another end of the year and I don't have anyone to bring with me to Thanksgiving, Christmas and to give that midnight kiss to on New Year's. This is one area where I'm struggling to have faith that God has someone out there for me and I really want to give up on doing the "right thing" (things that need to be in order so that I am in the right place mentally, spiritually, physically, etc, to be ready when "Mr. Right" comes into my life) and just do what satisfies me for the moment. The other one that isn't obvious to people is the soul-tie I still feel to someone (poss. the "one that got away"- a topic of conversation with my co-worker today) and I've been on the verge of crying practically everyday at reminders of him and us.
(I just took a break writing this because I started crying and couldn't handle what I was writing, so I started watching a Jeff Dunham Christmas special and talked to my dad about stuff that is going on...I'm good now and some things are in prospective. A response to a FB post made me start this up again)
These thoughts start to bring up a whole plethora of things that make me question myself and what I'm doing the other 9-10 months out of the year when the personal pressures of not having a boyfriend to bring to family gatherings and events isn't haunting me (with the execptions of the weddings that seem to be happening every year now...which brings up these issues for a few weeks leading up to the wedding I'm going to but then go away within days after). I begin to wonder if I've been fooling myself and battle within myself to what is really the "real me", so for about a month and a half I start doubting and question and get all depressed and try to find happiness in things I know only make me feel more like crap in the end because I feel guilty about it and things that happen as a result of these feelings, then it becomes a crap-cycle. (This is actually one of the things my co-worker and I were talking about, but not me as the subject...many single women in general from the ages of early 20's to late 60's). I lose all interest in things that make me happy and bring fulfillment the other 10 months out of the year and become lethargic, forget everything, am apathetic and feel like life is a complete gray blur and I'm not really present in all of it. All I want to do is sit on the couch, eat Christmas cookies and cry.
It's hard to see people my age posting stuff about getting Christmas presents for their husbands and for their kids and doing domestic things. I want that to be me and I'm wondering why it's not. Generally I'm ok with being single; I have the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want with whomever I want to (which at this time is basically church-related activities after work). I don't have to worry about getting the perfect gift or spending a bazillion dollars on them for Christmas, birthdays, etc. I love the fact that I have a queen bed all to myself (with the exeption of my cat and our little weiner-poddle dog that take up more room each than a person does) and don't have to worry about someone stealing the covers and waking up freezing in the middle of the night. This past year has been the best and happiest I've felt in a really, really long time and I've been solo through it all. But there's something about the trifecta of holiday events that makes me want to be dealing with all of those things and more.
I know what the root of this issue is in my life but in all of the years of talking to counselors, pastors, family, friends (and God) about it, the problem never seems to go fully away during this time of year. The thing is I know who I am, and I know that these things that I want to do for the months of November and December are not what I want in and out of my life, but it's the dark woods in my life that I've never been able to chop down (it has been trimmed back over the past few years and it's not as dense as it once was). I just keep praying that I have the strength and courage to keeping going the way that God wants me to and that the consequences for my falls may not be very damaging to my life and my walk in the future. I was talking with a very wise and awesome woman from my church a few weeks ago and she helped to straighten some things out for me and remind me of God's grace through times like this. It's been easy to turn away and run from God during all of this for so many reasons like guilt and shame but, as my pastor reminded me recently, that this is the time to keep holding on and keep relying on God. But a lot of things are easier said than done sometimes. Luckily there is only like eight more days left to this year and a few detox days after, but I know what my goal is for next year and what to work on for the next 10 months.
I'm sorry if this is a Debbie-Downer post but I felt like I needed to type it out process it for myself and to explain to others around me what has been going on lately if they have noticed something is off with me. No one needs to alert the Lehigh Valley Hospital Psych floor to my state of being, but please say a prayer for me and for others that may be having a hard time during this season. If you are going through the same thing (whether at this holiday time or longer than that), know that there is grace and that I'm here if you want/need to talk to someone.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Choice is Yours
I've been learning a lot about choices over the past year. How I chose to live and how are my choices going to effect the rest of my life; how I chose to react and how is that going to effect those around me.
Some choices have been really easy to make, while others haven't been. And some of the things I thought would be hard were easier than I thought and what I thought would be easy haven't been. I've had to choose my battles and chose what were the really important things to pursue and go after. I've also had to forgive myself and ask others for forgiveness for the choices I have made.
"The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them."- Author Unknown
It's all about your attitude over what comes your way. You have the choice on how you will react and how you will take the situation that comes your way and make the best out of it. You can choose to see the glass half-empty or the glass half-full. I'm faced with this daily as a part of a personal growth "program" that I am on requires me to write down every day the good in the unpleasant situations that I am faced with. I sometimes have to force myself to see the positive in the midst of the negative things that come my way. It's not always easy and life can really suck and it's hard to see how this can be good for me, but I've been noticing over the past couple of months that my attitude has really changed and I think I'm not as quick to react negatively when bad things happen.
There are a lot of things lately that have been testing my patience, my love, my forgiveness, my motives...basically testing my character and integrity...and they have not been easy and frustrating and annoying. But I know that I'm becoming a better person because of these things little by little and my future really depends how on I deal with things today. If I can take what's coming at me and learn from it and push myself to deal with it and come out on the other side, I know that I can deal with things that come my way in the future and have positive personal outcomes. But it all depends on my choosing to keep pushing through and not giving up when times get hard. I have the choice to make changes and fight through it or I can make the choice to stay the same and/or to run away from these things that are coming against me.
Sometimes we choose to just stay where we are or to run away because dealing with these things can be uncomfortable and can even hurt. Dealing with these things will cause us to have to make changes in our minds and in our ways of thinking and changing our mindsets based on past hurts and experiences can be hard mentally and emotionally. I'm personally still struggling with the choice to love and accept myself for who I am. Based off of what I felt growing up and the experiences I've had up until the past year, made me feel that I was not worthy of anyone's love and acceptance, and that's not an easy mindset to break. There are situations everyday that challenge me to make the choice on how I am going to feel about myself, and the more I choose to accept and love myself, the easier I am finding it to not be dependent on other people for my needs to be met.
We can choose how we are going to let our past effect our present. We can keep making excuses for why we are the way we are, but we can make the choice to change those things about us that may not be the best for us. We can choose to forgive or to hold onto hurts others have caused; we can choose whether or not to let what others have done to us daily influence our thoughts and our actions. We can choose whether or not to act out on others what we are feeling inside. We can choose to remain captive by our thoughts and experiences or we can live in emotional, mental and spiritual freedom. I am not saying I have conquered many of these things, as I have not, but there are moment by moment choices we make that will effect our lives and the lives around us.
“The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here.”- Shad Helmstetter ---Our world, both our world in general and our own personal worlds, will be influenced by the choices we make. They may not be easy choices at times but sometimes perseverance and determination to see things positively and seem them as stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks will produce the best results in your life.
I know the path that God has my life on isn't going to be easy but I'm choosing not to run away anymore and I choose to take these things that come at me and use them as way to improve myself and my character. My choice is to live for Him the best way I can as I am able to with His grace and mercy and love.
Some choices have been really easy to make, while others haven't been. And some of the things I thought would be hard were easier than I thought and what I thought would be easy haven't been. I've had to choose my battles and chose what were the really important things to pursue and go after. I've also had to forgive myself and ask others for forgiveness for the choices I have made.
"The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them."- Author Unknown
It's all about your attitude over what comes your way. You have the choice on how you will react and how you will take the situation that comes your way and make the best out of it. You can choose to see the glass half-empty or the glass half-full. I'm faced with this daily as a part of a personal growth "program" that I am on requires me to write down every day the good in the unpleasant situations that I am faced with. I sometimes have to force myself to see the positive in the midst of the negative things that come my way. It's not always easy and life can really suck and it's hard to see how this can be good for me, but I've been noticing over the past couple of months that my attitude has really changed and I think I'm not as quick to react negatively when bad things happen.
There are a lot of things lately that have been testing my patience, my love, my forgiveness, my motives...basically testing my character and integrity...and they have not been easy and frustrating and annoying. But I know that I'm becoming a better person because of these things little by little and my future really depends how on I deal with things today. If I can take what's coming at me and learn from it and push myself to deal with it and come out on the other side, I know that I can deal with things that come my way in the future and have positive personal outcomes. But it all depends on my choosing to keep pushing through and not giving up when times get hard. I have the choice to make changes and fight through it or I can make the choice to stay the same and/or to run away from these things that are coming against me.
Sometimes we choose to just stay where we are or to run away because dealing with these things can be uncomfortable and can even hurt. Dealing with these things will cause us to have to make changes in our minds and in our ways of thinking and changing our mindsets based on past hurts and experiences can be hard mentally and emotionally. I'm personally still struggling with the choice to love and accept myself for who I am. Based off of what I felt growing up and the experiences I've had up until the past year, made me feel that I was not worthy of anyone's love and acceptance, and that's not an easy mindset to break. There are situations everyday that challenge me to make the choice on how I am going to feel about myself, and the more I choose to accept and love myself, the easier I am finding it to not be dependent on other people for my needs to be met.
We can choose how we are going to let our past effect our present. We can keep making excuses for why we are the way we are, but we can make the choice to change those things about us that may not be the best for us. We can choose to forgive or to hold onto hurts others have caused; we can choose whether or not to let what others have done to us daily influence our thoughts and our actions. We can choose whether or not to act out on others what we are feeling inside. We can choose to remain captive by our thoughts and experiences or we can live in emotional, mental and spiritual freedom. I am not saying I have conquered many of these things, as I have not, but there are moment by moment choices we make that will effect our lives and the lives around us.
“The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here.”- Shad Helmstetter ---Our world, both our world in general and our own personal worlds, will be influenced by the choices we make. They may not be easy choices at times but sometimes perseverance and determination to see things positively and seem them as stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks will produce the best results in your life.
I know the path that God has my life on isn't going to be easy but I'm choosing not to run away anymore and I choose to take these things that come at me and use them as way to improve myself and my character. My choice is to live for Him the best way I can as I am able to with His grace and mercy and love.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Love's not lost
So I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe because 10 minutes ago I was balling my eyes out about a love that started two years ago today and ended just over a year ago, so I just feel the need to write out my feelings and thoughts. Two years ago I fell in love with someone over the 4th of July weekend and now as I hear the booms and crackles of fireworks going on around this area I live in, reminders of that relationship and the feelings I felt at the beginning are overwhelming my thoughts and emotions. I'm trying to suppress those feelings by the way I felt when he ended it over a year ago, but it's hard to use the anger and hurt against the more positive feelings of butterflies, joy, happiness and love. But even now as I mull over that last sentence that I wrote and think about what when wrong in our relationship, I realize that it wasn't meant to be and I'm better off today where I am than I would be if he and I were still together.
It was because of that relationship I realized that I had a lot of inner-personal issues that needed to be dealt with. I was in counseling before that relationship, but there is nothing like having another person in your life to bring out the "demons" that lay deep down inside. Some are easier to recognize and deal with when they surface and others show themselves in the worst way but harder to get rid of. The biggest "demon" I faced (and still occasionally struggle with) is acceptance and worth. I was always looking for his approval and constant assurance of love. The fact that I didn't love myself and consider myself someone special really put a strain on our relationship, especially since his own demons that he carried weren't the kind to give into my issues...they were the ones to make my issues worse (He was very independent, selfish and self-reliant whereas I was very dependent and needy in many ways). I had a hard time feeling like he loved me especially because with his up-bringing, showing and speaking of feelings was not common. So it seemed like I was always nagging and crying and he was always defensive and arguing and we were both unhappy but still tied together by genuine love and by "soul ties". He was never one for good timing and he decided to break it off with me hours after I got out of the ER for stress and anxiety-related issues. And then since we both couldn't let go of each other emotionally, the "maybe it might work out after some time" got dragged out for a few more month.
It was during this time in my life and in my emotions that the "demon" of unworthiness and feeling unloved that I've struggled with my entire life really started rearing it's ugly head and bringing my thoughts and my emotions down; down to the lowest point a person could get. I came extremely close to ending my life...some nights laying in bed wishing I could just O.D. on these pills I was given to deal with anxiety but thinking that knowing my luck, they wouldn't kill me then I would just be officially the crazy one in my family. I was also mad that I loved my family so much and my family cared about me so much that their lives would be completely devastated if I actually went through with it and died...and I couldn't handle that. My counselor asked me in one of my sessions if I loved myself and I said "no"; and many times after she would ask me that, I always thought that it was a good thing I didn't love myself because if I did, I would've killed myself to end the pain I was going through. It felt like there was no way out and no way through the pain and the emptiness I felt inside. That "demon" really had a hold on my life and almost took it.
But eventually I got out of that pit and the "demon" has been rid from my life. It really has been by the loving and healing Father God that I am where I am today: a generally happy, self-loving, God-assured 26 year-old woman. This is really the first time in my life that I know that I was created by love, in love and for love by God. He has taken that emptiness in my life and filled it with His hope, His love and His Spirit. I know who I am in Him; fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that I was created and born for a purpose (Jeremiah 1:5 and Isaiah 49:1), that my salvation and hope is found in Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:9) and that I am able to lead the life I've been created for through the Holy Spirit (Romans 8). His love for me has been shown throughout the history of this earth and His unconditional love for me has been shown continuously throughout the history of my own life. My life, the good times and the salvation and healing from the bad times, are a testimony to God's love and faithfulness, even when I didn't love myself or love Him back. I've found that we can't feel love when we are looking for it first from others because that's not how God intended for it to work. We are first supposed to find our love and joy in God and give Him our love first before we can find love from ourselves and from others and give love to others as well (Mark 12:29-31).
I'm finding joy and happiness in walking out and fulfilling the calling and promises that had been destined for me. I've realized that we can't be happy when we aren't doing what we have been made to do. We've all heard stories about people who left their high-paying, highly successful careers to do things that others perceived as menial, lowly jobs...but they were happier doing those things than they were doing being at the job they were doing before. I am hoping that sometime in the near future that will be me; I hope to leave my job in the next couple of years in order to enter full-time ministry. It's not going to be an easy path to take, but I know it's what I've been called to do and the grace and love of God is going to help me get through it. Now I'm not saying that everyone needs to quit their job because they may not like it...sometimes you are at the place you work for a reason. But some of us may feel like there is something else that we feel like we should be doing and I encourage you to start taking step towards doing that if you feel that's where the Lord is leading you.
So I guess the moral of the story or the explanation to the title of this blog is that no matter what you are going through, whether you are happy or depressed in life, God loves you...(yes, you). I will say it again... God loves you. I'd dealt with issues of self-hatred and self-loathing for pretty much my entire life, putting on a happy face and pretending that I was "all good" while inside I was in so much pain. God knew what was going on with me and was waiting for me to look to Him for love instead of trying to find it in others (and the way in which I was trying to find love in others). A year ago I felt like love had been lost again and it hurt and it sucked, but I eventually fully embraced the unconditional love of God. He loved me when I could not love myself. My love has not been lost to another, my love has been found in God.
It was because of that relationship I realized that I had a lot of inner-personal issues that needed to be dealt with. I was in counseling before that relationship, but there is nothing like having another person in your life to bring out the "demons" that lay deep down inside. Some are easier to recognize and deal with when they surface and others show themselves in the worst way but harder to get rid of. The biggest "demon" I faced (and still occasionally struggle with) is acceptance and worth. I was always looking for his approval and constant assurance of love. The fact that I didn't love myself and consider myself someone special really put a strain on our relationship, especially since his own demons that he carried weren't the kind to give into my issues...they were the ones to make my issues worse (He was very independent, selfish and self-reliant whereas I was very dependent and needy in many ways). I had a hard time feeling like he loved me especially because with his up-bringing, showing and speaking of feelings was not common. So it seemed like I was always nagging and crying and he was always defensive and arguing and we were both unhappy but still tied together by genuine love and by "soul ties". He was never one for good timing and he decided to break it off with me hours after I got out of the ER for stress and anxiety-related issues. And then since we both couldn't let go of each other emotionally, the "maybe it might work out after some time" got dragged out for a few more month.
It was during this time in my life and in my emotions that the "demon" of unworthiness and feeling unloved that I've struggled with my entire life really started rearing it's ugly head and bringing my thoughts and my emotions down; down to the lowest point a person could get. I came extremely close to ending my life...some nights laying in bed wishing I could just O.D. on these pills I was given to deal with anxiety but thinking that knowing my luck, they wouldn't kill me then I would just be officially the crazy one in my family. I was also mad that I loved my family so much and my family cared about me so much that their lives would be completely devastated if I actually went through with it and died...and I couldn't handle that. My counselor asked me in one of my sessions if I loved myself and I said "no"; and many times after she would ask me that, I always thought that it was a good thing I didn't love myself because if I did, I would've killed myself to end the pain I was going through. It felt like there was no way out and no way through the pain and the emptiness I felt inside. That "demon" really had a hold on my life and almost took it.
But eventually I got out of that pit and the "demon" has been rid from my life. It really has been by the loving and healing Father God that I am where I am today: a generally happy, self-loving, God-assured 26 year-old woman. This is really the first time in my life that I know that I was created by love, in love and for love by God. He has taken that emptiness in my life and filled it with His hope, His love and His Spirit. I know who I am in Him; fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that I was created and born for a purpose (Jeremiah 1:5 and Isaiah 49:1), that my salvation and hope is found in Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:9) and that I am able to lead the life I've been created for through the Holy Spirit (Romans 8). His love for me has been shown throughout the history of this earth and His unconditional love for me has been shown continuously throughout the history of my own life. My life, the good times and the salvation and healing from the bad times, are a testimony to God's love and faithfulness, even when I didn't love myself or love Him back. I've found that we can't feel love when we are looking for it first from others because that's not how God intended for it to work. We are first supposed to find our love and joy in God and give Him our love first before we can find love from ourselves and from others and give love to others as well (Mark 12:29-31).
I'm finding joy and happiness in walking out and fulfilling the calling and promises that had been destined for me. I've realized that we can't be happy when we aren't doing what we have been made to do. We've all heard stories about people who left their high-paying, highly successful careers to do things that others perceived as menial, lowly jobs...but they were happier doing those things than they were doing being at the job they were doing before. I am hoping that sometime in the near future that will be me; I hope to leave my job in the next couple of years in order to enter full-time ministry. It's not going to be an easy path to take, but I know it's what I've been called to do and the grace and love of God is going to help me get through it. Now I'm not saying that everyone needs to quit their job because they may not like it...sometimes you are at the place you work for a reason. But some of us may feel like there is something else that we feel like we should be doing and I encourage you to start taking step towards doing that if you feel that's where the Lord is leading you.
So I guess the moral of the story or the explanation to the title of this blog is that no matter what you are going through, whether you are happy or depressed in life, God loves you...(yes, you). I will say it again... God loves you. I'd dealt with issues of self-hatred and self-loathing for pretty much my entire life, putting on a happy face and pretending that I was "all good" while inside I was in so much pain. God knew what was going on with me and was waiting for me to look to Him for love instead of trying to find it in others (and the way in which I was trying to find love in others). A year ago I felt like love had been lost again and it hurt and it sucked, but I eventually fully embraced the unconditional love of God. He loved me when I could not love myself. My love has not been lost to another, my love has been found in God.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Life-Lawns
"If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, maybe you need to water your own lawn." I heard this the other day on the Real Housewives of Orange County (that's probably the smartest thing that any of them have said) and I posted it this morning on my facebook page and got quite a few "likes" on it so I thought I would blog about how many times we want what we can't have but don't realize that we have the foundation to grow many of those dreams right underneath our own feet or we don't want to fix the weeds (issues) in our own lives in order to see positive, pretty growth come forth.
I've been one of those people who have always wanted what other people had because I always thought I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't talented enough...I always wanted to be someone else. I'd always felt second-best or just good enough to get by with different things. I was good enough to get a one-line solo in a musical but never a significant role; I was good enough to get into honors classes at school but never was at the top of my class (I graduated 8th out of 88); I was in a ton of clubs, but was popular by no means. I tried and tried to be "smart" or tried to be "popular" because those were the people in school getting noticed and I felt like I was an invisible person--- their lawn looked better than the dirt patch I felt like I lived in. It took a long time to realize the gifts that I have been given and how to use those strengths and how to grow my weaknesses. God has given me some really awesome talents and over time I've learned how to use those things to grow a really pretty garden that I have in my "life-laws". God has given all of us different and unique gifts that will only grown and flourish in our own lives and we need to focus our attention on what we have been given and not what others have. You never know that what you have been given may be a long-lasting, longer blooming plant than the one you see in the next person and it make take a little bit longer, but if you keep on watering that gift and doing what you need to to keep that talent healthy.
On another note in this analogy is what that woman was talking about at the time she made that statement was her marriage and how many people get divorced prematurely because life looks better and seems easier than putting the work into your own relationship to make things grow. I totally agree with her statement in this area. I know there are many people who aren't jointly willing to put in the time and effort it takes to try to make their relationship work. I've been in those relationships where one person says "I'm out" when things get tough and look ugly and aren't willing to go through what is necessary to try to get things worked out. This doesn't only apply to just guy/girl or marriage relationships, but also to family and friend relationships. Sometimes we aren't willing to get down to the bottom and dig out those things that are causing issues because it is hard, it may hurt, it's dirty and it takes time. If any one has done real yard work and/or planted a garden, it's not easy and you get gross and you strain some muscles or get hurt by either the plant or a tool you are using. But after some time goes by you start to see the fruits of your labor when you see the flowers blooming and you get to eat the vegetables you planted and it is so worth it. I encourage you guys to put effort into your relationships and water them to keep them growing and healthy. (There are times and certain relationships that aren't meant to grow and you do need to give up...but I encourage you to try before calling it quits)
One thing that it took me a while to realize is that, though the other people grass may look better, you don't know what type of soil foundation those people have. Some people's lawn may be made up of astro-turf or that grass that people have brought in that is rolled out, because their soil is not good...what you see may be fake and only pretty on the surface but ugly and dead underneath and it's also the same with the relationship that you see in others. It's important that we take a look at what we have and see what we have available to grow and to use and also to see what may be causing our "life-lawns" to not grow. Also one thing to think about is that not all plants can grow in certain soils so in this analogy not all of us are given the strong ability to do certain things with what we have, but you never know what you can do until you try (and sometimes you have to try and fail several times before you get it right).
So I encourage you to take a look at your "life-lawn" and see what you have growing...is it good and fruitful, is it full of weeds and ugly? You may be cultivating the soil to get ready to plant or have just planted something and are waiting to see it start to bloom. You also have to remember to go and pick the weeds that might be growing in between those plants to make sure they don't choke out what you have planted. "Life-lawns"-your personal and your relational ones- aren't done in one day; they take time, they take effort, they take continuous care and attention in order that they flourish. I love the "life-lawn" that I have been given and I still have a lot more work to do. I know that each one of yous that are reading this have some really cool stuff that is growing in your lives and there are many more awesome things to come if you are willing to take care of what you have been given
I've been one of those people who have always wanted what other people had because I always thought I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't talented enough...I always wanted to be someone else. I'd always felt second-best or just good enough to get by with different things. I was good enough to get a one-line solo in a musical but never a significant role; I was good enough to get into honors classes at school but never was at the top of my class (I graduated 8th out of 88); I was in a ton of clubs, but was popular by no means. I tried and tried to be "smart" or tried to be "popular" because those were the people in school getting noticed and I felt like I was an invisible person--- their lawn looked better than the dirt patch I felt like I lived in. It took a long time to realize the gifts that I have been given and how to use those strengths and how to grow my weaknesses. God has given me some really awesome talents and over time I've learned how to use those things to grow a really pretty garden that I have in my "life-laws". God has given all of us different and unique gifts that will only grown and flourish in our own lives and we need to focus our attention on what we have been given and not what others have. You never know that what you have been given may be a long-lasting, longer blooming plant than the one you see in the next person and it make take a little bit longer, but if you keep on watering that gift and doing what you need to to keep that talent healthy.
On another note in this analogy is what that woman was talking about at the time she made that statement was her marriage and how many people get divorced prematurely because life looks better and seems easier than putting the work into your own relationship to make things grow. I totally agree with her statement in this area. I know there are many people who aren't jointly willing to put in the time and effort it takes to try to make their relationship work. I've been in those relationships where one person says "I'm out" when things get tough and look ugly and aren't willing to go through what is necessary to try to get things worked out. This doesn't only apply to just guy/girl or marriage relationships, but also to family and friend relationships. Sometimes we aren't willing to get down to the bottom and dig out those things that are causing issues because it is hard, it may hurt, it's dirty and it takes time. If any one has done real yard work and/or planted a garden, it's not easy and you get gross and you strain some muscles or get hurt by either the plant or a tool you are using. But after some time goes by you start to see the fruits of your labor when you see the flowers blooming and you get to eat the vegetables you planted and it is so worth it. I encourage you guys to put effort into your relationships and water them to keep them growing and healthy. (There are times and certain relationships that aren't meant to grow and you do need to give up...but I encourage you to try before calling it quits)
One thing that it took me a while to realize is that, though the other people grass may look better, you don't know what type of soil foundation those people have. Some people's lawn may be made up of astro-turf or that grass that people have brought in that is rolled out, because their soil is not good...what you see may be fake and only pretty on the surface but ugly and dead underneath and it's also the same with the relationship that you see in others. It's important that we take a look at what we have and see what we have available to grow and to use and also to see what may be causing our "life-lawns" to not grow. Also one thing to think about is that not all plants can grow in certain soils so in this analogy not all of us are given the strong ability to do certain things with what we have, but you never know what you can do until you try (and sometimes you have to try and fail several times before you get it right).
So I encourage you to take a look at your "life-lawn" and see what you have growing...is it good and fruitful, is it full of weeds and ugly? You may be cultivating the soil to get ready to plant or have just planted something and are waiting to see it start to bloom. You also have to remember to go and pick the weeds that might be growing in between those plants to make sure they don't choke out what you have planted. "Life-lawns"-your personal and your relational ones- aren't done in one day; they take time, they take effort, they take continuous care and attention in order that they flourish. I love the "life-lawn" that I have been given and I still have a lot more work to do. I know that each one of yous that are reading this have some really cool stuff that is growing in your lives and there are many more awesome things to come if you are willing to take care of what you have been given
Sunday, June 19, 2011
New Beginnings
So I'm dumping Farmville and picking up blogging...hopefully blogging will be a little more productive and fulfilling to my life. I've got tons of thoughts and ideas running through my mind and I hope that by putting them down somewhere that I can sleep better at night without them keeping me up. The thoughts are on love, life, church, religion, work, people, youth ministry, cats, etc. As I'm typing I'm thinking "wow, I sound lame" but hopefully when I start posting things, they won't come out that way.
A lot of things have been going on in my life lately, so far they are good. I'm the happiest I've ever felt in the longest time; maybe even the happiest I've ever felt in life. I'm owing my happiness to the relationship I've re-kindled with my amazing, awesome, loving Heavenly Father God. I will probably be talking about all the different things I've had happen in my life that has shaped how I lived, how I live now and how I hope my future plays out. I've been through things I never want someone to experience and I've been through things that I hope everyone experiences. The journey in life is not always a straight path, but twists and turns, up and down hills and mountains, through forests and desserts, valleys and cities. I've experienced highs and extreme lows and lived in the gray area of life, but through it all, I've come to figure out who I am and who I am in God
So why "I for Elizabeth"...it has nothing to do with being selfish, even though most of the things I will be sharing will be my own personal thoughts and ideas; it actually is a random comment I made to my sister one time while putting together a desk. My brain moves faster than my mouth and my hands, so that's what came out and since then, whenever I have a moment that doesn't make sense, my sister says that to me. Some of the things I'm going to say in this blog go against traditional thinking and won't make sense, but feel free to comment and ask me questions.
I hope you guys like what I will be saying and if not, you don't have to read it
A lot of things have been going on in my life lately, so far they are good. I'm the happiest I've ever felt in the longest time; maybe even the happiest I've ever felt in life. I'm owing my happiness to the relationship I've re-kindled with my amazing, awesome, loving Heavenly Father God. I will probably be talking about all the different things I've had happen in my life that has shaped how I lived, how I live now and how I hope my future plays out. I've been through things I never want someone to experience and I've been through things that I hope everyone experiences. The journey in life is not always a straight path, but twists and turns, up and down hills and mountains, through forests and desserts, valleys and cities. I've experienced highs and extreme lows and lived in the gray area of life, but through it all, I've come to figure out who I am and who I am in God
So why "I for Elizabeth"...it has nothing to do with being selfish, even though most of the things I will be sharing will be my own personal thoughts and ideas; it actually is a random comment I made to my sister one time while putting together a desk. My brain moves faster than my mouth and my hands, so that's what came out and since then, whenever I have a moment that doesn't make sense, my sister says that to me. Some of the things I'm going to say in this blog go against traditional thinking and won't make sense, but feel free to comment and ask me questions.
I hope you guys like what I will be saying and if not, you don't have to read it
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